It's December - Post Your Jokes Here

[BrianE]

December 1, 2010.

Post your jokes and riddles below.

[Jim B.]

Originally Posted by webmasternapa Post your jokes and riddles below.

I completely agree!

[BrianE]

Originally Posted by Jim B. I completely agree!

You want to start us off, Jim?

[Naz]

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

[Tom.]

Christmas started in early October.

[elderflower]

Originally Posted by TomR Christmas started in early October.

In a store near me - and that is not a joke

[David Walker]

A motorist was carefully picking his way through flood-water following a day of torrential rain when he spotted a man's head sticking out of a large puddle.
The motorist slowed down and called out "Do you need a lift?"
"No thanks" said the man, "I'm on my bike"

[Pat]

Originally Posted by David Walker A motorist was carefully picking his way through flood-water following a day of torrential rain when he spotted a man's head sticking out of a large puddle. The motorist slowed down and called out "Do you need a lift?" "No thanks" said the man, "I'm on my bike"

[Pat]

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

[RichardS]

Things are definitely looking-up:

Last year as my "bonus" the bank sent only a Biro.... which I soon lost.

This year, the bank has again sent a handy pocket diary; one with enough space for writing.

Apparently, whoever ordered these diaries couldn't decide which information to include. So against every date, there's what happened in a previous year:

eg. 1st December:
- This year: 1990. Channel Tunnel excavators meet in the middle.
- Next year: 1835. Hans Christian Anderson published his first book of fairy tales.

[Sixwheels]

A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and..............................tonic."

The bartender gets his drink ready, sits it in front of the polar bear and says with a quizzical look "here's your drink, but why the big pause?"

The bear looks at his feet, and says "oh, I got them from my dad."

[Jim B.]

Originally Posted by elderflower In a store near me - and that is not a joke

Either the last week of July or the first week of August for one store here.

[David Walker]

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people seem bright until they open their mouth!

[Pat]

Originally Posted by Sixwheels A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and..............................tonic." The bartender gets his drink ready, sits it in front of the polar bear and says with a quizzical look "here's your drink, but why the big pause?" The bear looks at his feet, and says "oh, I got them from my dad."

Good one!

[David Walker]

Michael O'Leary head of the budget airline RYANAIR was walking down the main street in Dublin when he saw a sign out side a pub advertising a pint of Guinness for one Euro.
"That is a very competitive price" he said to the barman, as he handed over the money.
"Would you also be wanting a glass with your Guinness sir?"
enquired the barman.

[RichardS]

Originally Posted by David Walker Michael O'Leary head of the budget airline RYANAIR was walking down the main street in Dublin when he saw a sign out side a pub advertising a pint of Guinness for one Euro. "That is a very competitive price" he said to the barman, as he handed over the money. "Would you also be wanting a glass with your Guinness sir?" enquired the barman.

Nice. ...or a seat?

[stargazey]

Variations on a theme-

A motorist was carefully picking his way through flood-water following a day of torrential rain when he spotted a man's head sticking out of a large puddle.
The motorist slowed down and called out "Do you need a lift?"
"No thanks" said the man, "I live in a bungalow"

A motorist was carefully picking his way through flood-water following a day of torrential rain when he spotted a man's head sticking out of a large puddle.
The motorist slowed down and called out "Are you OK?"
"Yes" said the man, "But I'm not sure about my mate, I'm standing on his shoulders!"

[Pat]

Originally Posted by stargazey variations on a theme- a motorist was carefully picking his way through flood-water following a day of torrential rain when he spotted a man's head sticking out of a large puddle. The motorist slowed down and called out "do you need a lift?" "no thanks" said the man, "i live in a bungalow" a motorist was carefully picking his way through flood-water following a day of torrential rain when he spotted a man's head sticking out of a large puddle. The motorist slowed down and called out "are you ok?" "yes" said the man, "but i'm not sure about my mate, i'm standing on his shoulders!"

sm:laugh sm:laugh

[Pat]

[Art]

Why can't the bicycle stand up on it's own......... because it's two tyred!!

Art