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Old 30th December 2001, 01:53 PM   #1
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From the Bored Directors of HB, Inc., Ltd., Html. Jpg, Tif, Png, Ppp (which is what you will do after drinking)

Here are some suggestions for a safe New Years celebration:

Only drink from one pail at a time - carrying two pails at once, unless in the same hand, will not allow you to shake hands with others.

Do not celebrate by dumping a pail of HB on others, unless you wish to turn your party into a nudist camp. Likewise do not pour HB on your keyboard.

If there is HB left after the party, contact HAZMAT for disposal. However, if you have clogged drainage pipes, and they are made of stainless steel, you may pour it down the drain. Deny doing so if the Metropolitan Sewer District complains their purifying equipment grinds to a halt.

If transporting in a vehicle, make sure the container is sealed. HB has been known to react dangerously with Power Steering Fluid and Brake Fluid.

If a motorist is stranded on ice, use HB sparingly. Field tests have shown that a pint of HB, applied through a spray bottle, can dissolve 22.82 acres of ice three inches deep.

Drink HB in moderation, we cannot stress this too much. If you overindulge, no trauma center will consider hooking you up to a stomach pump and EMT's have been know to leave other HB drinkers right where they lay.

We can point out that if you do overindulge, unlike other products, we can guarantee that you will not face a hangover the next morning. To be sure, you won't feel a thing, ever again, so be cool.....

Be sure to have a designated driver. This is the person that can notify your next of kin in the event you do overindulge. Moderation is the word.

If you are serving HB at an "open bar", be sure to have your guests sign a disclaimer and get your cash up front, no tabs. This does not insure a safe New Years Eve, but it does protect you from lawsuits and from being stiffed.

Avoid taking a breathalyzer test after ingesting HB. Law enforcement officials get irate when their equipment melts.

Lastly, have a great and safe New Year!
 
 

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